Growing old was the realization on the Verde Valley Railroad on the occasion of my birthday. Aingeal Rose purchased this experience - “I don't really know what's going to happen” she said, “but it should be wonderful!”
Prior to getting here, I went through a lot of difficulty with this birthday, more so than any other birthday that I've had in the past. I seem to have sailed through all those earlier years, but coming to this, my 65th, it's like I went through that old mortality issue that many people talk about, but I never understood it or experienced it.
I decided that maybe this train ride might be a good opportunity to use, to actually write about what's going on in my head and to get to the bottom of those apprehensions about aging. So let's see what comes out of it all.
It started the night before my birthday with some rough dreams, dreams about all kinds of crazy things, impossible to remember now, except that there were memories. They seem to be going back in time, conflict type memories, and nothing that would identify anybody or any particular situation. But it just seemed like all this was coming up for processing. That's why we decided to go with the journaling for today because Aingeal Rose and I are both going to get to the bottom of this ‘growing old’ business as we journal our way along the Verde Valley Canyon Railroad.
The last time I was on a train was in Tipperary when I was young. It was a mystery tour every Sunday during the summertime. We'd simply get on the train not knowing the destination. It was always very fascinating to find you'd end up by the seaside, or in the city, on a shopping trip, or on some other adventure. That's what this is like today - we're on an adventure!
Aingeal Rose realized this is exactly what is needed to get away from the fear of growing old, from the fear of death, especially because it uncovered such deep subconscious programming that was going on. Thankfully, I have Aingeal Rose and her new book, The Book of Manifesting, which teaches how to uncover these deep-seated beliefs about your perceptions and your beliefs.
I've been privileged to be the producer, the publisher, the cover designer etc., so I've read it a thousand times. I used the techniques in that book to ask the core questions about what was going on, and why I was feeling the way I was.
And interestingly, on the way back on that train journey, I found it difficult to write because the old train was rattling over and back and shaking, and it was very noisy, so spending time outside instead, I saw a Bald Eagle, the first one in the wild I've ever seen.
When we got home, I continued the journaling and more synchronicities started to happen as I started to uncover what was really going on. I began to uncover my own false beliefs about myself, and realize my God-given divinity. I uncovered that my ego was out for murder.
Now, we've always known that; we read it everywhere. It’s in many self help books, it’s in A Course in Miracles, and we get it from various self-awareness gurus around the world. But to uncover the why, and what's going on underneath, and the degree of deception we tell ourselves — that's what came up!
I realized the age 65 was just a program. It says, that's the age you're supposed to retire. That's the age my mother told me, my father told me, and society told me. It is not true - you can retire whatever age you like, depending on your circumstances, obviously. Some people choose not to retire at all.
I remember my mother, when I was 21, she said, “Now what are you going to do?” I said “I'm going to retire.” She said, “You can't retire. You're not 65.”
I'm not going to retire now either. Why? Because I've got a lot of books to publish, a lot of work to do with Aingeal Rose to uncover more and more of these false beliefs that we tell ourselves about everything and anything, like growing old.
It's shocking and astonishing what I uncovered on a train ride about myself and the fears that were there; the fear of death and the fear of growing old and the fear of not accomplishing anything before you die, when in fact, being born at all is one of the most marvelous accomplishments that any being can possibly accomplish.
It's so marvelous to be in a human body, witnessing the functioning of it, how the liver works and the heart pumps and the lungs take in the air and how our stomachs digest food. It's a walking miracle is what it is.
We maintain it with our thoughts or we destroy it with our thoughts, depending on which side of the fence you're on, whether you're on the side of the ego or the side of divinity. That's the choice, and I choose divinity every time.
So, it's been an absolutely marvelous lesson that I learnt. One other thing that comes to mind that I want to just share real quickly because sometimes we get people who respond to us negatively, and that's okay. It's all healthy, it's all wholesome, it's all good. But one of the things that I anticipated was my ego saying,
“You're fooling yourself now, you see. You're growing old, and you're just fooling yourself into thinking that you're not old and that you've got another 40, 50, 100 years to go and you're just playing with words and you're tricking yourself.”
This is typical of the ego. This is how the ego comes in to try and thwart you, no matter what you decide, and when you decide on the side of divinity, that ego is still there. In fact, the ego is necessary to keep us alive on this plane of physical existence. It has to be there so that when the lion roars, you run, or when the buffalo charges, you run. This is the ego protecting itself, but its been out-of-control with most people in the world since forever.
Now we're taken charge, we're taken control, and we know how to eliminate this falseness. When these false ideas come up, Aingeal Rose’s Book of Manifesting helps us know how to uncover them. Now we know how to reverse them, and that's the most important thing.
So, in summary, listen to yourself, take a breath, it's all good. There are lessons in every breath, and I learnt a big one and I am so grateful I learned it here and now. I'm so grateful to you for listening, reading, and watching. I'm so grateful for every breath I breathe and the life I live and for Aingeal Rose, and all our people who support us and all those who help us and that we help.
I’m grateful for technology, (even though Source has told us, if there's anything to be wary of in this world, be careful of technology.) But that's the misuse of technology because technology is what is delivering this to you right now. Technology saves lives. Just like money is sometimes judged by people saying, oh, money is the root of all evil. No, the misuse of money is evil. The misuse of anything is not good.
I learned some amazing things on this train journey, and I'm so glad to be able to share them with you. I hope I haven't bored you to tears. I hope that it lands on fertile ground and that it will help you too.
So remove the worry. Don't let that little ego defeat your happiness, defeat your state of wellbeing, or defeat your peace, because the peace is inside in the divine self even though the body might be growing old. That's the message from the train.
Blessings from myself, Ahonu and from Aingeal Rose.